taking off the rose colored glasses

Ok. So, I have noticed that anyone that starts a diet usually finds the most unflattering picture of them in their overweight stage and posts it. I have done that here. I have decided that part of this "blogging my weight loss" process is showing picture of the process as well! So, here is picture number one. This picture is at my beginning weight. It's not pretty and now looking at it I have discovered that shirt was not flattering at all! It's sometimes hard to really look at pictures of yourself. I mean really look. Look and actually see what you have been trying to deny for months and years. It's hard to not try to convince yourself that the bad picture is just that...a bad picture and not a mirror image of your real self.

The good news...2 more pounds down for a total loss of 12 pounds! I will soon put a picture up of me and my 12 pound loss!

I want 7 days

Do you ever notice how people count down the week days? At my job, I sit at a large desk in the main lobby and I always make it a point to ask people how their day is going and try to say something to make them smile. Recently, I have noticed that when I ask how someone is doing, they usually make some comment about "counting down till friday" or "it's Wednesday! Hump day!" or "One more day and this weeks done." And this got me thinking; why do we spend 5 out of the 7 days we have in a week counting down because of how excited we are about the 2 days that we consider to be our "good" days...where we really enjoy life. So, this probably means that we waste about 260 days of our year because we only consider about 105 of them to be good...to be enjoyable...to live what we really consider "life".

A book that I have fallen in love with, "Cold Tangerines" by Shauna Niequist, has inspired me to live beyond the weekend...to bring great life into the every day moments that we so frequently take for granted. I would like to share with you this passage from her book:

"But this is what I'm finding, in glimpses and flashes, this is it. This is it, in the best possible way. That thing I'm waiting for, that adventure, that movie-score worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life tickling by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets-this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of us will ever experience . I believe that this way of living, this focus on the present, the daily, the tangible, this intense concentration not on news headlines but the flowers growing in your own garden, the children growing in your own home, this way of living has the potential to open up the heavens, to yield a glittering handful of diamonds where a second ago there was coal. This way of living and noticing and building and crafting can crack through the movie sets and soundtracks that keep us waiting for our own life stories to begin and set us free to observe the lives we have been creating without even realizing it. I don't want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we extend to one another. That's the drama of life, swirling all around us, and generally I don't even see it because I'm too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think I am about to become. The big moments are in every hour, every conversation, every meal, every meeting." -Shauna Niequist

I want to choose to live EACH day, Monday, Tuesday, Wendnesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I want my life to be full of days that I feel I have made the most of life and the moments and people around me.

Time to Refocus

Well friends, here we are at day 18 and I am 11 pounds lighter. This brings joy to my heart and, if i'm being honest, makes me a little sad. Why? Because I know that I am about to hit the point where I only lose 0-2 lbs. a week. And yes, I know, the faster you lose it...the faster it comes back on. So, in that regard, I would like to lose it nice and steady. I also know that it is healthy to lose no more than 2 pounds a week and I definitely want to do this the healthy way. But even so, I just want it all off. NOW. If only genies were real and I could just wish all of these pounds away and give myself the body of someone who worked out 5 times a week, right? But this will be worth it in the end...all of the struggle and discipline that it is taking.

BUT I think I might be too infatuated with it. And because I am thinking about it so often, it's almost as if I expect to drop a pound every hour. Every morning I wake up and plan what I am about to eat for the whole day...then all day long I think about how every bite of healthy food is going to make me more fit and trim...then I think about how I can't wait to feel light and carefree and then go shopping and buy all of the cute clothes I have been desiring for some many years while they were out of reach. I get so consumed with it all that I just expect that it happen faster...and it's not going to. It's almost as if I am forgetting that there is a great life going on around me because I have allowed myself to go to tunnel vision where all I see is Weight Watchers. All of my energy and focus are being put into one thing and I am neglecting all of the other important parts of my world.

So, I'm making a new goal today: I'm going to live life to it's fullest and not focus on the fact that I'm losing weight...i'm just going to enjoy the process of getting healthy while celebrating all of the great moments that make up my days.

My First Ten!

As of yesterday I have lost 10 pounds! I'm pretty sure 10 pounds in 2 weeks is wonderful, (even though I watched the Biggest Loser last night and they can apparently drop 10 in one week). At first I was thinking how that 10 doesn't seem like much in the 100 that I am wanting to lose, but the Weight Watchers Website reminded me that 10 pounds is how much 8 small Cantaloupes weigh...after that, I feel pretty excited! I am also thrilled that I am starting to see and feel results. The most rewarding part of this so far has been the increase in my energy level. It is nice to not have greasy, fattening food stealing the pep in my step. And my clothes are starting to fit better! Of course, my real goal is that they will begin falling off of me and I will have to buy new ones, but that will come :)

Thank you for those that have been so encouraging! 90 to go!

Ode to Park Cafe

Last night I took my dear friend Erika to dinner at Park Cafe to celebrate her 25th birthday and celebrate we did. We ate some of the most fantastic food that Nashville has to offer! We started with Panko Crusted Crab Cakes garnished with roasted corn salsa and cruncy remoulade. Then I had the Romaine Salad with Applewood smoked bacon, grape tomatoes and grilled cornbread brushetta and Erika had a spicy andouille gumbo. For our main course I had the Peppered Beef Tenderloin Tail with sauteed asparagus, bernaise sauce and pomme frites while Erika had the Pan Seared Salmon with conconut jasmine rice, szechwan green beans, chili plum sauce, crispy wontons and grilled lime. We thought we had died and gone to a gourmet heaven! We definitely did NOT save room for dessert but I'm sure it would have been amazing as well. Everyone MUST try this wonderful place. http://www.parkcafenashville.com/

So, while a little late, (Erika's birthday was the 1st) I got to have a lovely night celebrating my dear friend and her wonderful 25 years of life! I wish her the best year yet...she truly deserves it.

7 pounds and counting

Ladies and Gentlemen, I can now give you a first person testimony that Weight Watchers works! After my first full week, I weighed in on Saturday night and I had lost 7 pounds! WHOO HOO! I am very excited about this small triumph because it encourages me to continue on knowing that this new "lifestyle" is going to work for me. Of course, they say you drop the most in your first week because of the drastic change in eating and drinking water that takes place so I do not expect to loose 7 pounds every week...although, one can dream.

I am continuing to find motivation in God. I know that he wants me to take care of my temple so that I can be a vessel that he can continue to use for years to come...if that be His will. Also, I continue to find motivation in being honest with myself that I don't feel well. My joints have begun to hurt and it's harder and harder to get up and down. Honestly, those things are hard to admit because they are embarrassing but I needed to say them because I have been in denial about how I have really felt for so long. But now, just this past week, I can already tell a difference in my energy level. Now, whether this is a "mind over matter" situation or not, I'm still excited and looking forward to the day that I can get up and down with ease and not fear physical activities.

P.S. I love my kitchen

I have a love relationship with my kitchen. When we were looking at this house, our little country house, the kitchen is what completely sold me. It is amazing. It is the size of two very large rooms put together with lovely details such as wood floors, a very large 4 pane bay window with two other windows spread out in the kitchen to give the room so much natural light, an island custom built, two large columns at the entrance, custom painted cabinets, crown molding and so much room to cook! I just adore it. And I adore cooking so our kitchen gets a lot of my attention.

And, of course, I painted it red. Well, Fireweed from Sherwin Williams to be exact. Red gives that passionate personality that a kitchen should have...at least for me. Paint colors are all about personality.

I have always heard that a good kitchen will be the heart of the house...the place where everyone gravitates, and mine has become just that. What inspired this blog was the dinner party Jeremy and I had last week with our wonderful friends, John and Jason Hylton and Cassie Jetton. We had a great night of food, laughter and lots of Guitar Hero...and with that, a dose of "healthy" competition between Jason and I. Ha. Guess who won? Anyway, while they were there, I noticed that even though they would go sit in the living room for a bit, they would always get up and come back into the kitchen. There is something about the kitchen that promotes conversation...maybe the fact that there is no Television to distract...and I love conversation. And as the migration to the kitchen became more frequent, I thought how wonderful it is that I have a kitchen that is the heart of my home. Or maybe it was that incredible Cajun Crab dip I had picked up at Publix? Well, whatever it was, our kitchen had a lot of love that night.

Let's hear it for the Dogs

I wanted to introduce you all to two very special individuals in Jeremy and I's life: Meet Maggie the Pug and Bruce the Border Collie Mix. These are our children who we spoil rotten. They also provide fun entertainment, cuddling and even sometimes conversation. Maggie is 7 years old. She enjoys laying around waiting for food to drop, snorting loudly so you will always be aware of her presence and biting Bruce's face. Bruce is our new adoptee. He is about 18 months old. He enjoys long walks in the park, cuddling and throwing toys in the air.

Hmmm...do I sound as though i'm trying to pimp out my dogs?

Ramblings of 4:43

At this very moment, being 4:43pm, I am staring out of my office windows and it's dark. And you know what I think about this? I think it sucks...literally. Why? Because it sucks the energy out of me at 4:43pm when there is still about 6 hours of my day to go!

Since this is my honest blog where I can discuss whatever I please, I will tell you that I have suffered from an anxiety disorder for about 4 years now. After mentioning that fact, I would like to praise God that it has become much less severe over the years and most of the time I feel like a normal person, which...who are we kidding? These days normal seems to mean that you suffer from either anxiety,depression or some sort of personality disorder! At some point I will explore my feelings on why society has turned us into pill popping, chocolate dependant paranoid freaks.

But, I digress...

Anxiety comes in many different forms. Seasonal Affective Disorder is where our bodies and emotions are plagued by the ever changing seasons. This is so unfortunate because this means that for pretty much half of the year people are dealing with even more depression just because it's dark outside at 5:00!

How can we get away from this? What did people do in the times of old when there was no diagnosis for this and no benzodiazapines to get that seratonin flowing? I will also say that no matter my faith, I still have my struggles and it is NOT because I don't believe that God can heal me.

Thoughts?

so far, so good

Today is my third day on Weight Watchers and so far I am really having no issues with it!

Just an FYI, I went to the center in Rivergate on Thursday and signed up for the program. After watching the Oprah episode where these amazing human beings had lost tons of weight without diet pills or surgery, (we are talking about a 300-500 pound weight loss), I became confident that I would be able to loose the 100 pounds that have been plaguing me for a few years. I listened to these people talk about the difference that losing this weight has meant in their life and I decided that it was time for me to get control and truly make this decision...which is what it takes. After years of trying different diets mainly because I felt pressure to be a look a certain way for other people, I ended up on a dreadful cycle of losing and gaining just to find myself 60 pounds heavier than I was when I went on my first diet. Now, I am married to a wonderful man that doesn't care if I lose a pound, surrounded by friends and family that see me for who I am as child of God and not the size clothing I wear and a church that has embraced me and given me great opportunities to be involved in ministry and find purpose in those involvements. So, I am now losing weight for me and for my health, (and yes, that fabulous Anthropologie wardrobe that I have been dreaming of for years!)



So, back to my original statement of having no issues with Weight Watchers. I have cooked a couple of low point meals in the past two days that have been DELICIOUS and have left me feeling satisfied and knowing that I can make this way of eating a lifestyle and not just a short term diet. The only thing I am finding difficult is getting in my vegetables. I LOVE vegetables BUT they truly are an inconvenient food. I guess I'm going to have to start downing vegetable juice. Because even though Weight Watchers gives you the freedom to eat whatever you want as long as it's in your points, I want to make healthy changes like getting more vitamins and fiber in my daily food intake.

I will update you on Saturday when i weigh in at my one week on the diet. I am not getting on a scale before my weigh in day because I really don't want to focus on the number so much.

Hmmm...one other tid bit of information about this weight loss goal...I want to be able to wear tall boots! I can't at the moment because my calves are big and tall boots just don't look right!

Thanks for reading!

Inspired

Hello all! This is my first blog of many. In starting the new year, I have decided to blog my journey of accomplishing my goals and enjoying my daily life.
To begin, let me list a few of my goals this year. I have decided to do this because of an inspirational sermon the Pastor Aaron gave on Goals this past Sunday. One of the things he mentioned was that people who list their goals are more likely to accomplish them. The other reason I am doing this is because I believe there is accountability in putting your goals out there for other people to see. Even if no one ever says a thing to me about them, I will know that they are out here...
1. Spend more time reading. This includes the bible and various literature. I want to continue to grow my relationship with the Lord and expand my intellect.

2. I want to work on many aspects of my personality. I believe that the statement, "That's just the way I am" is defeatist and untrue. I can change through Gods strength and my will power.

3. Get Healthy. I am going to lose weight. This has been an ongoing battle but this is the year that I am going to take positive control. I know it's not going to be easy, but most things worth doing aren't easy.

4. Travel more. Even if it's just for a weekend. I want to see more of this country. When I was on a plane to Italy a couple of years ago I sat next to a professor who said something to me that has really become a firm belief of mine. He said: "I travel because I want to experience different cultures not only because it's interesting, but because I want see if another culture would suit me better. I want to know that I live where I live because it's the best culture for me, not just because that's where I've been born and raised."

5. Be more active in personal ministry to those who God has surrounded me.

So there you have it. Five goals that I want to accomplish. These are not so much "2008" goals as they are my Life Goals.