Wednesday, April 23, 2008

28 Pounds lighter

I haven't posted a weight loss picture in awhile so I thought I would add this one. This was taken this past weekend at my friend Jennifer's baby shower.

Celebrating Earth Day

Due to the crazy pressure I was feeling yesterday, I decided to spend lunch outdoors at Rockland Park to celebrate earth day by taking in the earths beauty. I walked down through the trees to the water and sat in the grass. And I stared. And I began to feel some peace. I let the sun shine hard on my face and I breathed in the fresh air and somewhere in that moment I felt calm. I watched a turtle crawl into the water and I literally stared at an inch worm for 5 minuites wondering what his purpose in life was. I listened to the water lap against the shore. I know this all sounds somewhat crazy and like a cheesy book but that moment brought me back to the many moments I spent doing that exact same thing when I was younger. I was transported back to "my place". "My place" was the last access at the end of lock 4 road. After school my senior year, I would drive down there with my bible in tow, and read God's word while sitting in the middle of God's artwork. I loved those moments. It was so quiet and I was quiet. I needed to realize that I don't need or have to always be Martha. While I think that being actively involved is very important, Jesus is teaching me that there is a lot of importance in being Mary. In order to have the wisdom, love and compassion that Jesus needs me to have to be Martha, I need to be Mary and sit at His feet so He can give that to me.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Slowly breaking

I am so ready to go on vacation. I am feeling it today more than ever. I can tell my body and mind are getting really worn out from everything I’m involved in. And I don’t want to ever get that way. In the past, I have actually had a little breakdown. Not a “put me in the hospital” kind, but the kind where you just cry and are irritable because you have so much going on and you feel burnt out and that’s making you not work your best any longer. And honestly, I feel like I’m on the verge of another one of those. I know that I almost always appear to be very happy and confident, but sometimes it’s just because I don’t believe that anyone else should have to experience me in a bad mood. Except my poor sweet husband who gets to see that side more than he or I would like. So right now, I don’t care how eloquent this blog is or how witty and creative I usually try to make them. I’m just venting. I’m tired. My home is being neglected because I am never home. And when I am home I just want to sit and rest but then something always comes up. I have so much going on and I see no room for cuts. The time I use to spend at home has been cut down because now I’m working out. But I can’t cut working out because it’s good for me and my body needs it. Then work is very busy…I work 40-50 hrs. depending on the week. But I can’t cut work out because I need the money. Then there is church, which I love. Being involved with the Youth is where I find so much joy and fulfillment. I know it is part of my purpose at this point in my life and there is no way I’m cutting back on it. Then there is cultivating relationships with my husband and friends. Trying to make any moment Jeremy and I have together a quality moment. Being with him is my favorite place to be. Then finding time where I can hang out with my friends who allow me just time to be ridiculous me. Then finding time to keep up with my parents and sister so I am a good family member. I just wish they lived here. It would be so much easier. Then trying to find time for God. And this is probably the problem. I am trying to fit Him in to my crazy life instead of fitting everything else around Him. Sigh.

My main point is that I just feel like I am spreading myself so very thin and that no one thing ever gets the best I have to offer. Jeremy and I leave for Savannah, Georgia on April 30th. We will be gone for 6 days and I am just so very excited to get away and breathe. *tear*

Friday, April 18, 2008


This blog divulges a few of my beyond the surface thoughts but I feel that I should share with you some of the more shallow and selfish parts of me...just so you can get a more well rounded picture. Because unfortunately, I am not always just thinking about God and how to lose weight.

Lindsey Stats:

* I am addicted to ridiculous reality tv shows (Biggest Loser, Project Runway, Top Chef, America's Next Top Model, The Hills...and more)
* I must have my sheets tucked in before I crawl into bed at night.
* My favorite type is humor is dry and sarcastic.
* My all time favorite movie is "When Harry Met Sally"
* I heart Vicks Vapor Rub. The smell puts me in a good mood.
* I still listen to Heart, Chicago and Journey and I am not ashamed
* I don't really like concerts unless they are sit down ones. I want to sit and enjoy and not have people bumping into me while yelling and spilling their beer on my outfit.
* I love to travel and I want to travel more. I firmly believe that everyone needs to experience other cultures and see other parts of the world
* I don't just love the color black because it is slimming. It's also sophisticated :)
* I daydream about being able to sing and play the guitar
* Although most people think I am organized...sadly, i am the opposite. I try so hard to be but it just takes to much effort that could be spent on something more least in my opinion
* I love reading...when I have the time.
* I want to write a book one day
* I'm afraid of the ocean...and I hate sand on me. I prefer to be in a pool overlooking the ocean :)
* If I could have any job I wanted and not have to worry about money, I would be a photographer
* My favorite band is U2
* I love to wear dresses
* I'm obsessed with the Food Network. I could watch it 70% of my day (the other 30% would be spent watching reality shows as noted above)
* I love Jesus and hate religion
* I don't like talking on the phone. I would rather meet in person
* I'm more introverted than people realize
* I only drink coffee black
* I dance in my car to booty music
* I am afraid of the dark
* I loathe being hot

So there you have it. Some random facts about me. Now please share with me some facts about you :)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Reckless Abandonment

Reckless: utterly unconcerned about the consequences of some action; without caution; careless

Abandonment: to give up the control of

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking here lately about my devotion to God. It seems that this is a subject that God wants me to focus on because when I’m not thinking about it on my own, it comes up in conversation with other people, they speak about it in church, and someone gives a word that reminds me of it. God truly will always find a way to get your attention even if you are trying to avoid him.

You see, devotion has been a word I have been manipulating to meet my needs and not His. I have been afraid to be all out, glory blazing, captivated and surrendered to living for the Lord the way I KNOW he wants me to. And the reason I have been afraid is because of past experiences. In the past when I have given Him my all and “pressed towards the goal”, I have ended up going through some really tough trials. It seemed that the closer I would get to God, the more road blocks that would come in my way. The more I read the bible, the tougher things got financially. The more I prayed, the harder my relationship with my family got. The more I told my testimony; my anxiety would try to come back. And I’ve just been living in fear that if I start living in reckless abandonment again, big trails are assuredly heading my way.

This past weekend at the Women’s Retreat, Deborah Jackson ask us to take about 30 minutes to find a place to meditate on what she had just spoke about. While I was off thinking, God started to wrestle with my spirit again about where I was in my devotion to His word and to living to glorify Him. And then it hit me: This fear has been a road block to fulfillment.This fear has caused me to settle for a life that has been good and easy—but not great. And that’s what God wants it to be. Great. Full of adventure, mystery, on my knees, celebrating creation, loving without pause, wins and losses, joy and sorrow, ministering till I can’t anymore kind of great. He wants control. Not because he’s an overbearing mean father but because He truly knows what is best for us…trials and all.

When I really think about it, those trials that came my way did a lot of good in my life. They are part of my story…part of how God is putting me together. James 1: 2-4 in the Message Bible says this: “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” I love where it says, “a sheer gift”. The word sheer means “clear” or “transparently thin”. So this is how we are suppose to view trials, not as a dark “what’s going on?” kind of situation but as something that is transparently obvious that this is just Gods way of working in your life. And I love at the end where it says, “not deficient in anyway.” Deficient means “lacking an element.” I want to view the trials that I encounter while living in reckless abandonment to God as His way of making my life something that isn’t lacking anything. And not lacking anything makes something what? Complete.

Maybe some of you are holding back because fear of what other people may think about you. Maybe some of you are holding back because you are nervous about what God may call you to do or who to love or where to go if you give Him your all. For me...mine has been fear of bad trials. So pray with me my friends that I would dive in head first being aware that crazy things may come my way but that they will only make my life more complete. That I would not fear. And I have honestly known for a long time that God has been waiting on me to get out of where I’m at because He has something bigger for me that I will never reach if I don’t start giving him my all. It all boils down to faith. Do I trust that His will is always best? Pray that I will. I know it’s what my soul wants but the flesh is quite stubborn.

Friday, April 11, 2008


Today I am outraged. Why? Because the ignorant and inconsiderate people of Channel 4 news in Nashville INTERRUPTED THE OFFICE LAST NIGHT!

Here is the letter I am writing:

Dear Inconsiderate Fools of WSMV:
I am writing to inform your crew that myself, and I'm sure many others, are completely appauled that you would have such an idiotic lapse in judgement and interrupt the first episode of The Office that we fans have been waiting on for months now. Why you didn't choose to air your fiftieth weather report during the turkey bacon or orbit commerical, I will never understand. So I am writing to demand that you send me and thousands of other middle tennesseans a complete copy of last nights Office episode. This should be easy for you since you have such great powers like the high tech weather map that gives a 3-D shot of the weather and the Live Pinpoint Doppler Loop online. Also, i'm sure you can use some of that arrogance that thought you were better than The Office to persuade the executives at NBC.

I will be expecting my DVD in 4 business days. If I do not receive it, I will be forced to break your weather machine or kidnap Nancy Van Kamp.