Reckless: utterly unconcerned about the consequences of some action; without caution; careless
Abandonment: to give up the control of
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking here lately about my devotion to God. It seems that this is a subject that God wants me to focus on because when I’m not thinking about it on my own, it comes up in conversation with other people, they speak about it in church, and someone gives a word that reminds me of it. God truly will always find a way to get your attention even if you are trying to avoid him.
You see, devotion has been a word I have been manipulating to meet my needs and not His. I have been afraid to be all out, glory blazing, captivated and surrendered to living for the Lord the way I KNOW he wants me to. And the reason I have been afraid is because of past experiences. In the past when I have given Him my all and “pressed towards the goal”, I have ended up going through some really tough trials. It seemed that the closer I would get to God, the more road blocks that would come in my way. The more I read the bible, the tougher things got financially. The more I prayed, the harder my relationship with my family got. The more I told my testimony; my anxiety would try to come back. And I’ve just been living in fear that if I start living in reckless abandonment again, big trails are assuredly heading my way.
This past weekend at the Women’s Retreat, Deborah Jackson ask us to take about 30 minutes to find a place to meditate on what she had just spoke about. While I was off thinking, God started to wrestle with my spirit again about where I was in my devotion to His word and to living to glorify Him. And then it hit me: This fear has been a road block to fulfillment.This fear has caused me to settle for a life that has been good and easy—but not great. And that’s what God wants it to be. Great. Full of adventure, mystery, on my knees, celebrating creation, loving without pause, wins and losses, joy and sorrow, ministering till I can’t anymore kind of great. He wants control. Not because he’s an overbearing mean father but because He truly knows what is best for us…trials and all.
When I really think about it, those trials that came my way did a lot of good in my life. They are part of my story…part of how God is putting me together. James 1: 2-4 in the Message Bible says this: “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” I love where it says, “a sheer gift”. The word sheer means “clear” or “transparently thin”. So this is how we are suppose to view trials, not as a dark “what’s going on?” kind of situation but as something that is transparently obvious that this is just Gods way of working in your life. And I love at the end where it says, “not deficient in anyway.” Deficient means “lacking an element.” I want to view the trials that I encounter while living in reckless abandonment to God as His way of making my life something that isn’t lacking anything. And not lacking anything makes something what? Complete.
Maybe some of you are holding back because fear of what other people may think about you. Maybe some of you are holding back because you are nervous about what God may call you to do or who to love or where to go if you give Him your all. For me...mine has been fear of bad trials. So pray with me my friends that I would dive in head first being aware that crazy things may come my way but that they will only make my life more complete. That I would not fear. And I have honestly known for a long time that God has been waiting on me to get out of where I’m at because He has something bigger for me that I will never reach if I don’t start giving him my all. It all boils down to faith. Do I trust that His will is always best? Pray that I will. I know it’s what my soul wants but the flesh is quite stubborn.