Sunday night was completely unexpected. I was not feeling great on Sunday morning because of some hydration issues from Saturday so we stayed home from church, which we never do but that was a rough morning. So after laying on the couch and staring at the TV for awhile, Jeremy and I got up and drove to Cool Springs to meet his parents. We had a great time with them, (they got me the cutest green dress and really cool wood cutting board), but I was completely worn out in time for Youth Group on Sunday night.
When we arrived I was just exhausted and having crazy hot flashes. After great worship and a great sermon, David had everyone split up and find a place in the room and pray for 7 minutes. And honestly, I just had no desire to do that. But there, in our church sanctuary, in the dark, alone kneeling before God, this incredible peace came over me as I prayed and rested in God's presence. There is nothing like that feeling of God holding you in a warm and gentle embrace and you feel that you could stay there forever and be completely happy. But the prayer...David ask that we ask God to "break us". Now, I have done this before a couple of times and I can definitely say, God answered that prayer with radical results. It's a really hard prayer to pray because in asking God to break you, you are asking Him to put you on your face knowing that there is no way you can make it on your own. And I struggled with it. I just told God that because of the hard times I have had in the past when I have prayed that, I am now a little scared of it.
Then, in His calming presence, He reminded me of how those times of breakage have formed my character and how they have given me more opportunities to minister to others because of the circumstances I have been through.He reminded me that I am never better than when I am doing things with His strength and not my own. So I prayed it. Not just because David ask us to, but because I truly desire more of Him and less of me. There is no better way to glorify God than to be full of His character.
So on Sunday my moment of joy was experiencing God's presence in a real way. Not because of the lighting and the music...not the "emotional" experience; but a real moment of truth between me and God that brought forth the realization that He is there...listening to me and ready to answer my questions. He is the most amazing Father.