Yes, you read the title correct. An 11:00pm cheeseburger from McDonalds brought me joy last night. Margie, Max and I went to TPAC to see some of our dear and super talented friends, (Brittany, Emily, Cierra and Krista) perform in their dance recital. We had previously eaten at about 5:30 before the show, so after the 4 hour recital we decided we were hungry again! Now, this was surprising that Margie and Max who weigh about as much as my shoe were starving, but for me if I have not eaten in 5 hours it's time for a snack! And as we were sitting in downtown Nashville at McDonalds at 11:00pm, (which is WAY past my bedtime), we got a little slap happy. You know, that wonderful hilarious feeling that you just say the most random things and everyone thinks it's the funniest thing they have heard in weeks? I just love, love those moments with friends. I love to laugh more than I love to do most things and this was a great moment of silly laughter as we were talking about random stuff and recalling some of the hilarious, (yes, i'm still laughing, Margie) events of the night.
That was my joy moment yesterday. Just that great moment of laughter with friends. Slap happy, 11:00pm McDonalds run, crack lady trying to steal our cheeseburger money laughter :)
Friday, June 20, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Pride
I had an experience recently that has enlightened me about the issue of Pride that I thought I would share with the few of you who view my blog. I am writing from the heart here…nothing fancy…just a little story about my most recent revelation.
Pride completely clouds your mind of what is right and what is necessary. Pride puffs you up into thinking that the entire world revolves around what makes you comfortable and happy. Pride makes you feel really important…in your own head. Pride destroys perfectly good relationships and puts a huge wedge between you and your most important relationship…your’s and God’s. Pride causes you to make decisions that you will definitely later regret.
My recent experience was that I made a mistake. A pretty decent sized mistake. I committed the total pride crime: I decided that I mattered more than others. That only my thoughts and my personal life mattered. That my decision only affected me. But this wasn’t the only bad part about my prideful mistake. I had committed to someone…something…that I would not make this choice and I was trusted. And I got caught. And you know what happened when I was caught? I got defensive. I wasn’t outwardly defensive at first, but inside I was boiling. Of course in my head I made about 25 excuses for why it was a ridiculous situation and how I should have not have to deal with it. And the very cruel but obvious truth was, I was really wrong and my pride was clouding my judgement.
Luckily, when I finally let God in enough to slap me around a bit, He did. After I had this revelation of my own stupidity, Sunday night David preached a sermon on Joy and how pride can sometimes rob us of joy. And that was a confirmation in my spirit that this was definitely a lesson that God was teaching me. And because of my recent experience, I was able to share with a few of the youth girls how I had let my pride rob me on about 20 hours of joy because I was so focused on how I was affected by a situation. And how my day changed and my heart was lighter and more joyful once I let go of the pride and just said, "all justifications aside...I was wrong and I need to apologize and let it go."
So, while I apparently have to keep learning this lesson over and over again, I get a little better at it each time. God is so good to have patience with me and continue to teach me. My moment of joy today is in realizing that my character is getting stronger because I am allowing God to shape it...sometimes slowly, but little by little i'm changing for the better. More of Him, less of me.
Pride completely clouds your mind of what is right and what is necessary. Pride puffs you up into thinking that the entire world revolves around what makes you comfortable and happy. Pride makes you feel really important…in your own head. Pride destroys perfectly good relationships and puts a huge wedge between you and your most important relationship…your’s and God’s. Pride causes you to make decisions that you will definitely later regret.
My recent experience was that I made a mistake. A pretty decent sized mistake. I committed the total pride crime: I decided that I mattered more than others. That only my thoughts and my personal life mattered. That my decision only affected me. But this wasn’t the only bad part about my prideful mistake. I had committed to someone…something…that I would not make this choice and I was trusted. And I got caught. And you know what happened when I was caught? I got defensive. I wasn’t outwardly defensive at first, but inside I was boiling. Of course in my head I made about 25 excuses for why it was a ridiculous situation and how I should have not have to deal with it. And the very cruel but obvious truth was, I was really wrong and my pride was clouding my judgement.
Luckily, when I finally let God in enough to slap me around a bit, He did. After I had this revelation of my own stupidity, Sunday night David preached a sermon on Joy and how pride can sometimes rob us of joy. And that was a confirmation in my spirit that this was definitely a lesson that God was teaching me. And because of my recent experience, I was able to share with a few of the youth girls how I had let my pride rob me on about 20 hours of joy because I was so focused on how I was affected by a situation. And how my day changed and my heart was lighter and more joyful once I let go of the pride and just said, "all justifications aside...I was wrong and I need to apologize and let it go."
So, while I apparently have to keep learning this lesson over and over again, I get a little better at it each time. God is so good to have patience with me and continue to teach me. My moment of joy today is in realizing that my character is getting stronger because I am allowing God to shape it...sometimes slowly, but little by little i'm changing for the better. More of Him, less of me.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Space
I have been sick all weekend. I'm not sure how one gets a mad case of the sniffles in the beginning of summer, but apparently it happens. So, here I sit talking in my marge simpson like voice, scaring the clients at work, while scaring fellow employees because as they will be talking to me and sudden steam of snot will come pouring out my nose...Completely out of no where with no warning. It's almost as if there is a little man in my nose waiting for someone to come along and talk to me, and then the little man gives a wicked laugh and then releases the snot and then laughs hyterically knowing he has just embarrassed me. Evil little man.
I slept about 3 hours last night...if that. Most of my night was consumed with tossing around, guzzling about 5 gallons of water and watching disney channels "the suite life of zack and kody." I needed something mindless to take my thoughts away from my raw throat and nose. Then today I am walking around as if I am not connected to anyone or anything around me. It's as if I am up in space looking down on the world but have nothing to do with it. I'm just aware of it. And I haven't even taken any medicine...yet. But the walk in clinic is calling my name today and I will answer very soon.
I slept about 3 hours last night...if that. Most of my night was consumed with tossing around, guzzling about 5 gallons of water and watching disney channels "the suite life of zack and kody." I needed something mindless to take my thoughts away from my raw throat and nose. Then today I am walking around as if I am not connected to anyone or anything around me. It's as if I am up in space looking down on the world but have nothing to do with it. I'm just aware of it. And I haven't even taken any medicine...yet. But the walk in clinic is calling my name today and I will answer very soon.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
His Presence
Sunday night was completely unexpected. I was not feeling great on Sunday morning because of some hydration issues from Saturday so we stayed home from church, which we never do but that was a rough morning. So after laying on the couch and staring at the TV for awhile, Jeremy and I got up and drove to Cool Springs to meet his parents. We had a great time with them, (they got me the cutest green dress and really cool wood cutting board), but I was completely worn out in time for Youth Group on Sunday night.
When we arrived I was just exhausted and having crazy hot flashes. After great worship and a great sermon, David had everyone split up and find a place in the room and pray for 7 minutes. And honestly, I just had no desire to do that. But there, in our church sanctuary, in the dark, alone kneeling before God, this incredible peace came over me as I prayed and rested in God's presence. There is nothing like that feeling of God holding you in a warm and gentle embrace and you feel that you could stay there forever and be completely happy. But the prayer...David ask that we ask God to "break us". Now, I have done this before a couple of times and I can definitely say, God answered that prayer with radical results. It's a really hard prayer to pray because in asking God to break you, you are asking Him to put you on your face knowing that there is no way you can make it on your own. And I struggled with it. I just told God that because of the hard times I have had in the past when I have prayed that, I am now a little scared of it.
Then, in His calming presence, He reminded me of how those times of breakage have formed my character and how they have given me more opportunities to minister to others because of the circumstances I have been through.He reminded me that I am never better than when I am doing things with His strength and not my own. So I prayed it. Not just because David ask us to, but because I truly desire more of Him and less of me. There is no better way to glorify God than to be full of His character.
So on Sunday my moment of joy was experiencing God's presence in a real way. Not because of the lighting and the music...not the "emotional" experience; but a real moment of truth between me and God that brought forth the realization that He is there...listening to me and ready to answer my questions. He is the most amazing Father.
When we arrived I was just exhausted and having crazy hot flashes. After great worship and a great sermon, David had everyone split up and find a place in the room and pray for 7 minutes. And honestly, I just had no desire to do that. But there, in our church sanctuary, in the dark, alone kneeling before God, this incredible peace came over me as I prayed and rested in God's presence. There is nothing like that feeling of God holding you in a warm and gentle embrace and you feel that you could stay there forever and be completely happy. But the prayer...David ask that we ask God to "break us". Now, I have done this before a couple of times and I can definitely say, God answered that prayer with radical results. It's a really hard prayer to pray because in asking God to break you, you are asking Him to put you on your face knowing that there is no way you can make it on your own. And I struggled with it. I just told God that because of the hard times I have had in the past when I have prayed that, I am now a little scared of it.
Then, in His calming presence, He reminded me of how those times of breakage have formed my character and how they have given me more opportunities to minister to others because of the circumstances I have been through.He reminded me that I am never better than when I am doing things with His strength and not my own. So I prayed it. Not just because David ask us to, but because I truly desire more of Him and less of me. There is no better way to glorify God than to be full of His character.
So on Sunday my moment of joy was experiencing God's presence in a real way. Not because of the lighting and the music...not the "emotional" experience; but a real moment of truth between me and God that brought forth the realization that He is there...listening to me and ready to answer my questions. He is the most amazing Father.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
yard talk, garage sales and produce stands
Yesterday I was super duper busy so I didn't have time to write, but I did have a wonderful moment of joy that I wanted to tell you about.
Yesterday started off with sitting outside in the yard at Margie and David's house chatting with some of our best friends; Margie, David, Kristin, Chad, Alicia and Daniel. We were literally sitting in the yard watching the kids play and the dogs chase each other as the sun was warming our faces. After that, Kristin and I headed off to do some much needed garage sale shopping. We just started driving and we hit some really great houses and some amazing deals. As we were shopping, I would notice the types of things people previously owned and wondered about the kind of lives they live. Kristin and I made small fun conversation with the people who were all so friendly and in great moods. After that, we decided to stop at a produce stand and pick up some fresh veggies and fruits. And after I dropped Kristin off and helped her lug her $30 worth of stuff (which was tons) up to her apartment, I set off on my drive home. I managed to hit another really delicious looking produce stand a tad further out in to the country where I picked up some even more delicious foods. But when I was finally about to arrive home, as I was cruising down my long country road, it hit me...the joy of summer. the memories of summer. the way everything smells and the vibrant colors. It had been such a gorgeous day full of very simple moment that really brought me a lot of joy. I felt no pressure to be or do anything amazing. I was truly enjoying this summer day with it's light breezes, fresh cut grass smells and friendly local faces. And I thanked God for his artistry and for giving us seasons.
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