10%

I did it. This morning I weighed in and showed that I had lost another 2.2 pounds from last week putting me to a total 26 pound loss and exceeding my 10% goal. This marks a big day for me...for anyone that is trying to lose weight. Whoo Hoo!!

the downfall

Today I am craving Mexican food. In fact, it's almost unbearable how much I want an enchilada and mexican rice....and chips and queso and for someone to overnight me an empanada from La Fonda in Cabo San Lucas. mmmm.... But other than today, I have actually been doing really well with not having ridiculously overwhelming cravings. Oh, by the way, i'm not pregnant...just trying to lose weight.


Seven years after my dad quit smoking I remember saying to him, "I bet you don't even get tempted by it anymore?" and he said, "Not true. I'll always be a smoker. I'm just choosing not to smoke." These words came back to me last week when I had a...well, we will just call it a "moment of weakness".

I was baking Easter cupcakes to bring to work on last Friday. It was 10:00pm and I thought there was no possible way that I would even be tempted because I would be weighing in about 8 hours and I had already maxed my points for the day. But I was WRONG. First off, they were white cupcakes, which are my absolute favorite, with cream cheese icing and peanut M&M's on top. (Green icing, three peanut M&M's...Easter basket! You see, right?) In the process of icing them, I noticed one of the cupcakes was a bit lopsided. As I begin to feel bad for the little odd shaped cupcake, I began to think of how no one at work would appreciate his character. Infact, they would probably ask, "What happend to this one??" and that would give the little cake a complex. So, I decided that being the non judgemental lover of all sweets that I am, I would eat him and his life would not be in vain. So I did. And then, like a psycho sweet addict , I took down two more of his buddies just to show them that I didn't show favor to only those who have flaws.

I went to bed that night feeling incredibly defeated. I thought I had moved past those moments where you fall flat on your face. After all, I have been doing this for three months. And then my dads words hit me...I'm always going to be a little addicted sweets. It may never go away. But I gain strength and health each time I say "No". It's like a thorn in my flesh. And seriously, it is a thorn...not a splinter. Food has been my weakness for years and years. It's not like I just had a little problem where sometimes I would have too big of a portion...it's like, "I'll have that 16 oz. steak with a huge side of pasta and half a gallon of ice cream for dessert every other day" But the best things in life don't come easy. My walk with Christ is not easy and it is by far the most beneficial and precious part of my world.

I'm learning. It's a learning process. Learning how to lose the weight, learning the real reason I should be losing weight, learning that being healthy must be a lifestyle because the ultimate goal shouldn't be to wear that size 6 dress, learning what makes me eat the way I do, learning that food should not be the focus of my day. I use to get so angry when people would judge overweight people. It would make me angry that my "flaw" my "weakness" was something that was visable to everyone around me. I didn't struggle with drinking, smoking, cursing, stealing, lust, envy...my struggle was with food. And while you could hide all those other issues to a degree, you could never hide being addicted to food. And I cared so much what others thought.

But these days I'm feeling good. It feels outstanding that I have taken control of my body...the thing I have been abusing for so long. And I'm sure there will be many more slip ups, but I will not let them take me back to where I've been...ever. I will just dust off, learn from my mistake, and keep going.

My part in the Body

“Comparison is so destructive. It erodes our love for other people and causes us to shun the gifts that God has given us. Like Peter, it keeps asking, “Well, what about him? What about her?” It keeps our eyes darting around the room, sizing people up, and holding up placards with numbers on them. It robs us of our own stories and gifts from God, all because we like someone else’s better. Comparison becomes a faulty scale on which we place ourselves, waiting to see how we balance out with the people on the other side. Comparison leaves us jealous and critical and insecure. It can propel us into unhealthy competition or relentless people-pleasing. God wants us to be free of that. Part of what it means to be created in the image of God is that each person has his or her own story, giftedness, and calling. I cannot find mine by looking at yours. Your story may inspire me or warn me, but I should never use it to determine my own. The gospel frees us from comparison, making it possible to admire other people’s gifts and be grateful for their contributions to the Kingdom.” ~Nancy Ortberg, “Looking for God”

After reading this passage I was incredibly inspired to write about it. I know this is a great struggle at times for both men and women, but I truly feel that it affects women to our core. It seems that I sometimes forget that I am living my own individual calling…building that very specific blueprint that God laid out especially for me. Instead, I look over to my right or left and ask God, “But why can’t I do that? Why can’t I be like that? Why can’t I have that gift?” God is saying to us, “What’s it to you? You are called to follow me.” And Nancy Ortberg puts it so well when she says, “I cannot find mine by looking at yours. Your story my inspire me or warn me, but I should never use it to determine my own.” My story is my story.

It is so true that when we compare ourselves to other people, it “erodes our love for other people”. Because instead of celebrating the fact that someone is so gifted, so popular, so compassionate, so giving, so good at what they do, that we end up robbing God of the praise that He deserves for creating such an amazing human being. We stop appreciating that person for who they are and what they are contributing to bringing glory to God’s name and we begin secretly tearing them down in our heads and letting the ugly face of jealousy start to appear.

If I get gut wrenchingly honest, I will admit that I once struggled with this heavily. The constant to comparison to what I didn’t have overtook me and I would be completely oblivious to what I did have. I was blinded to what God was trying to show me by staring at other people’s callings and longing for their gifts. I had a hard time “rejoicing when others rejoiced” because I was too busy trying to figure out what they had that I was missing. I am so thankful that God has since released me from that, but every once in awhile I feel the temptation to slide back in.

Before I even came across the passage above, I had made a goal of telling other women when I am inspired by something they have done that’s great, or if they look beautiful. I feel like it’s almost becoming a lost art for women to truly see the great in each other and drop our pride to let one another know that. And thanks to Nancy Ortberg, I feel even more impassioned “admire others gifts.” God is a great and mighty God and I am really beginning to believe that He knew exactly how He wanted me to be and that I should trust that I possess the gifts he wanted me to possess…they are my contribution to the body of Christ. And I should be thankful that other people have different gifts and that they are contributing as well. Today I praise Him for his artwork of the individual. He made us in His image…I’m a piece of Him. A Chip off the ol’ block. And that’s good enough for me.

a trip to lawrenceburg

Jeremy and I went to visit his family in Lawrenceburg, Tennessee this past weekend. I really love going there. We had such a relaxing and lovely time. On Friday night Jeremy went to a dinner with his dad and brother at their church and I spent time with Tommy, Tabatha and their two wonderful children Carlee and Amelia. Amelia is just a little over a month old and she was PRECIOUS. On Saturday we ate, played on the farm and ate. Then we went to Aunt Dana and Unlce Larry's to play with cousin Megan's daughter, beautiful Molly Claire. Oh yeah, then we ate again. Pam, my caring mother in law, took very good care of us by cooking delicious meals and continually making sure that we were resting. Sunday we slept in like the slackers we were, then we ate again and headed home.

This slideshow I have created is to show you all just a touch of what it looks like on the Johnson land. And literally, that's just a touch because they have a lot of land. Even though I could never be a farmers wife, and thank God Jeremy has no desire to be a farmer, I am facinated by farms and the people that have the passion to make farming their life. And it would truly have to be a passion because it is some dirty work.

lindsey view

I thought Kristin had such a brilliant idea of showing everyone where she sat all day long while she worked and communicated with us, that I decided to steal it. I don't know about you guys but when ever I am reading an email from someone I always imagine where they are typing it. You know, when they say things like, "i'm sitting here..." it makes me try to picture what their "space" looks like. Maybe i'm just weird. Anywho, here is my "space". This is my view for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. It's not so bad. This is only half of my view actually. I have a lot of windows to look out which is more than most people can say who work in an office. And that is Lola, my computer. She gets more of my eye contact than I believe anything or anyone ever has. I stare at her like she is going to throw millions of dollars at me any moment. But instead she just throws task after task. What a heifer.

24 pounds lighter

Here my my most recent weight loss update: As of today, I have lost a total of 24 pounds! I'm very excited about this because I am one pound away from losing 10% of my body weight which has been proven to bring so many health benefits to ones life. Here is a picture from today with my very skinny friend, Erika.

what's in a nose

As I was driving around on my lunch today, windows down and breathing in the spring air, a certain smell hit me that immediately put me back to being twelve years old, laying on the trampoline while basking in the sun and reading “Matilda” by Ronald Dahl. It was such an extraordinary warmth that I felt remembering one of my very favorite childhood past times. And it was so vivid. I felt like I could reach out and touch that trampoline that was so worn from many, many friends coming over to “jump”.

I am absolutely astounded by the fact that a smell can ignite a memory of special times in my life. It’s almost as if all moments of great emotion have a smell…or a soundtrack. When I smell Sandalwood I immediately think of Jeremy’s old apartment, the apartment where we would sit outside and talk then go back in and eat way too much ice cream. When I hear any older song by Phil Collins, I remember driving in my dads Oldsmobile and singing loudly with him to "Sussuido". When I smell firewood burning, it reminds me of being a teenager at football game bundled up in my American Eagle sweater and waiting for my new crush to talk to me. When I hear a Conway Twitty song, I remember dancing in the bonus room to the Twitty Bird’s Christmas album. When I smell fresh biscuits I always think of my grandmother, memommie, and I remember the absolutely irresistible homemade biscuits and gravy that I would look forward to eating for weeks. And then that memory triggers the memory of my granddaddy praying before we ate, “Amen Brother Ben, shot a rooster and killed a hen.” Amanda and I always thought that was so hilarious. And then there is the smell of freshly cut grass, which makes me think of my mom, in her wooden flip flops, tanktop, shorts and clip in her hair, outside at 8:00am on a Saturday morning mowing the yard and waking Amanda and I up with no shame. Which eventually brought us outside to help pick weeds. And then the smell of a grill going, which reminds me of summer nights, sitting on the deck talking to my dad while he grilled with a can of Budlight somewhere near by. One of my favorite smells is of the lake. This smell takes me back to being little and fishing with my mom and dad, taking home the fish and having a fish fry in the back yard with family and friends. I would always stand close to my dad waiting for a hushpuppy to be done. There is a spot on Gallatin Road where you pass Old Hickory lake and I love to roll my windows down, in the warmer months, and take in that memory.

Jeremy teases about how I have one of the most sensitive noses. This can be a wonderful and horrible blessing. But I suppose, if it means that I can have more memories, then I don’t mind it so much.

"When nothing else subsists from the past, after the people are dead, after the things are broken and scattered· the smell and taste of things remain poised a long time, like souls· bearing resiliently, on tiny and almost impalpable drops of their essence, the immense edifice of memory" -Marcel Proust "The Remembrance of Things Past"

Now, please share with me one of your favorite smells…

It won't be easy

“Everyone needs compassion, a love that’s never failing. Let mercy fall on me. Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior. The Hope of nations.” - “Mighty to Save” by Hillsong

“You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48

In the past weeks I am finding that the Lord has been showing me, in so many different ways, that loving people is what will bring the most glory to His name. In my life, I have spent countless hours reading and having those “deep and intellectual” conversations with pastors, seminary students and others who are searching for the new and profound interpretation of scripture. And, while those conversations have produced much knowledge, God always puts me right back to the simple truth of two of His greatest commandments, “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” and “'Love your neighbor as yourself”.

Sometimes we can throw out some of the must powerful and life changing scripture and quotes and it will fall on deaf ears because, sometimes, what a person really needs is just for you to sit down and ask them how things are going and MEAN IT. For you to just ask them over for dinner or out for a cup of coffee. For you to send them a card or pray with them when things aren’t perfect. For you to just sit in silence and listen as they pour their hearts out. For you to give them one of those hugs that says “I’m so happy that you are in my life”. My belief is that if we would become more aware of what condition the hearts are in around us and meet those needs according to God’s instruction on love, then we would see many, many more people come to know the Lord and be His disciple. These days it’s hard to find someone that’s genuine. In fact, I would go as far to say that it’s even harder to find a Christian who is genuine. I think it’s the Sunday morning shuffle of, “Hey! It’s great to see you!” and “we should really get together sometime” that we really need to work on backing up. Because, to some of those people that you say, “we should really get together sometime”, they cherish that and wait for that call because they “really need” to have someone spend time with them.

Have you ever met those Christians that witness their Christian morals instead of witnessing Christ? Those people that love to tell you how they don’t drink, they don’t watch R rated movies, they don’t listen to secular music, they pray 9 hours a day and read the bible for 5, that they attend church every Sunday and pay their tithe. These people drive me mad because if you are talking to someone who does not know the Lord, this is not the way to give them a desire to turn their hearts over to Christ. They are thinking, “oh good. RULES. Who doesn’t love living by a list of rules?” These are usually the same people who would be considered part of the popular “Christian’s are hypocrites” group. These people, those who do not know the Lord, are in need of someone to be their friend and tell them of Christ’s amazing hope and love that is offered to absolutely anyone. No one is exempt from His love and mercy…they just have to take it.

As the “Mighty to Save” song states above, EVERYONE needs compassion, a love that’s never failing. EVERYONE needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior. No matter how filthy their past or present may be, they NEED a Savior. They NEED a Hope. The NEED Love. And we have been commissioned by Christ as his ambassadors to spread his gospel…which is all about love.

God never said that being a Christian would be easy. But He did say that it would be worth it and He did die for us so that we may have abundant life. So, even though loving people can be inconvenient to your schedule and to your mood swings, this has nothing to do with us. I believe that God does want us to enjoy life but that is not the reason we are here. We are here to accomplish His will no matter the cost. Which is still hard for me at times, I will admit. But each day the Lord is showing me more and more how much He needs for me to get out of “what’s best for me” mode and get uncomfortable and start loving the way He loved.