Yes, it truly has been much too long since I have sat down to write out my thoughts. Mostly because I haven't had internet access for a long time!
It's true, I will be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Adeline is showing to be a chunky monkey for her age, but I couldn't be happier about that. Who doesn't love a chunky baby? Jeremy and I go to the doctor on Monday to have another growth ultrasound, but it looks as though she is going to be a c-section. In fact, we have one scheduled for 7:00am on Monday, November 30...unless she decides to make her debut before. Though, right now she seems perfectly content to sit high in my tummy and keep her feet in my ribs. If I didn't love it so much, I might be a bit irritated :) But let's be honest, i'm only 5"2 and have a short torso...there is only so much room in there for her! How can I be upset that she is just trying to be comfortable? Strange thought isn't it? We spend the first 9 months of our life growing in a tummy.
I can't believe that she's almost here. Really...I can't believe it. For the majority of this pregnancy, I have just believed she is too good to be true. I can't imagine seeing her face, hands, feet...in my head I think I had just resigned myself to always being pregnant. To try to wrap your head around the fact that there is a baby coming out of there in just a little over two weeks...wow. We are first time parents so we really have no idea what to expect. And that's what everyone says, "you have know idea how much your lives are about to change." Normally I get a little defensive when people tell me "you have know idea" about something, but I'm pretty sure they are right about this one!
I've been put on house rest. At first, the idea didn't sound too good, but I have discovered that there is something wonderful about being at home and preparing myself and the house for our little miracle arrival. Whether I'm trying to sleep or rest, or organizing her room, praying over her and the space that she will be in, or drawing closer to the Lord in these few quiet hours that I have, I feel like God has given me this time. My house is beautiful, I really love it. Especially during the day in this fall season. It's so peaceful. I have been obsessed with Watermark worship recently, so I allow their voices to flow through the house while I take some time to sit and allow myself to rest in the Holy Spirits arms. I know that I need Him more than ever. Pregnancy has made me so very aware of my flaws and my ability to want to control everything. What arrogance we have when we think things would be better in our hands! How terrifying. I'm so thankful to have a hope and peace that passes all human understanding.
For those of you who don't know, we are having a girl. Adeline Kathryn Johnson. Or as I keep calling her as I talk to her "Addie Kate". I love her. I love her movements and her presence. She is always in my thoughts and prayers. I feel like she knows that she is loved already. I sit on some nights in her room praying over her and reading her scriptures that I want to cover her life. It's amazing how many dreams we have for her life and she's not even here yet.
Something I have known from the very beginning of her, is that she is not ours. Adeline is God's child on loan to us. His gift. We hear that all the time..."children are gifts from God." And they truly are. God is entrusting us to raise His child. What responsibility! It has been so humbling. And we are thankful...so so thankful. I want her to know from the very moment she can comprehend, that God is her great Father who created her and has plans for her life that go far beyond what we can even dream. He loves her much more than we ever could. So when I begin to worry about her life and what will happen and if I will be able to protect her from the harshness of this world, God reminds me that He loves her more than I do and that I can trust Him to guide her.
I can't wait to meet her. See that little chubby face and try to figure out who we see in it. Will she have my smile? Jeremy's eyes? All I know is that I already love her so much and I am looking forward with being completely overwhelmed by even more love once I actually meet her. She is God's grace to us.