Tomorrow I will have reached the 12 week mark on this emotional and adventurous journey called pregnancy. While I still have no idea if the second trimester comes after 12 or 13 weeks, I feel that this is a milestone for this little baby growing inside of me. He/she has accomplished much in the past 3 months. Reading the pregnancy books and my baby center updates, you stand in absolute jaw dropping awe of how God weaves this baby together and how so very much can be accomplished in a few short months for something that is now only a little over an 1 ½ inches long. The Lord is drawing my heart more and more near to Him as I experience this journey while holding on tight to His hand…truly the only place that brings me comfort and peace over the worry I already have for our child. But as one of my dear friends told me once and I cling to these words, “God is the creator and sustainer of life”. My thoughts, fears, can’t make this life stronger or weaker, only God can sustain this baby.
I’m sad at myself for just now beginning to blog about this time in Jeremy and my life. I’ll be completely transparent by saying that I was nervous to let myself get too emotionally involved with this baby until the first trimester was over because then I would feel safer. Though, truly, the amount of things and the gravity of situations can still be very great after this point. At some moment, you just have to surrender it to God and realize your child, your life…they are in His mighty hands.
I want to share how God is using this baby to bring me to a new level of intimacy with Him and a new level of amazement and appreciation for the artistry of creation. It almost as if a different part of me has awakened and suddenly I notice the beauty of the earth and more simply, the beauty of certain features on people’s faces that make them unique. I just crave His presence more than ever so that He can keep revealing Himself to me in new ways. I am speechless to how appreciative I am to Him for giving me this opportunity.
My friend Jess gave me her at-home Doppler. Already twice this week Jeremy and I have found the baby’s fast train-like heartbeat that is thriving inside of me. It is a beautiful sound that brings me much relief. However, this morning I decided I wanted to hear baby’s heartbeat and could not find it. Instantly I began to panic and I started to tear up when I heard the Lord whisper to me that my trust should not be in this Doppler but in His promise and His power. I knew He was right instantly. In my quiet time with Him this morning He revealed to me something lovely in a devotional that I read daily. It was timely as it helped me have peace in this stressful situation I was in. I would like to share:
John 17:21 “…that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us…”
“God is not concerned about our plans; He doesn’t ask, “Do you want to go through this loss of a loved one, this difficulty, or this defeat?” No, He allows these things for His own purpose. The things we are going through are either making us sweeter, better, and nobler men and women, or they are making us more critical and faultfinding, and more insistent on our own way.”
This is only a little snippet of the devotional but overall the Lord was showing me how He uses situations and moments to draw us closer to oneness with Him. It is over everything, the desire of His heart and more important than our wants and needs. So the moment I experienced this morning, the many many moments and situations I have experienced in my life, are to some how big or small draw me into oneness with Christ. It is His prayer and God will answer that prayer. So I am choosing to take all the little moments throughout this pregnancy and let them draw me closer to Him. It’s His desire and probably the main reason that He allowed me to get pregnant. He knew what it would do to me…in a good way.
That’s all for today! Sorry for the really long blogs ☺ Hopefully they will be more frequent and less wordy. I pray God reveals himself to you in some way through the moments you experience today.