Better

I know that it has been sometime since I have written on this blog and I apologize to all of you who have told me that you miss my blogging. To be honest, blogging seems to just be a great way of getting all of my thoughts out and yet having some accountability for my promises to be a better person. So, here I go again. Another blog, another day, another year of starting out truly believing that this year I am going to be a better person...a better child of God, wife, friend, daughter, co-worker, humanitarian, samaritan...I just want to be better.

I know this is very generic. Another blog about having this epiphany moment that will change the course of my life. But this time, I do feel more serious about it. The older I get the more I care about making a difference, being a person of influence. Recently during a youth event, we had to come up with questions for someone to answer and I came up with, "how do you want to be remembered?". Ever since that night I have been thinking about how I am remembered while I am living...what impression do I leave? What does someone think about me after I leave their presence? What do the youth think about me after they leave our time together? What does my parents think about we talk? Why does my husband think about me after I leave for work in the morning? What do my co-workers think about me after we have been working together all day? I am not trying to press that what people think about you is the most important thing, considering that we push how important it is to be self assured and not care what others think. My point it, what type of impression am I leaving with people? Am I showing them kindness, patience, peace, love, gentleness, grace? Are my words pointing toward God? Do I make people feel better after they have been around me ?

The reason this is so important is that more than ever, I know that I have a job to do. I have always known that God has called me to be different than the normal everyday Christian-not that I am better by any means, but I know that I have a calling to go just a little further, be just a little more bold. God has blessed me with certain aspects of my personality that has given me favor and I need to make sure that I am using that favor for good.

I don't want to be the same anymore. I'm sick of always saying that I am going to let God transform me and then not give him the time to do it. I'm sick of always saying that I am going to quit participating in gossip yet I continue to be to curious to leave a conversation. I'm sick of always telling myself that I am going to focus more on others but as soon as I just don't "feel" like getting out of my comfort zone, I go back into the "all about me" hole.

I'm not better than anyone. I'm not stronger, smarter, better looking, but I know that God will use me if I will just let Him. If I will actually LET Him. So I'm going to try. He needs me to be better because people need to see Him through me.